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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member Emily Magnuson19/Other/United States Groups :iconsailor-senshi-maker: Sailor-Senshi-Maker
 
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How does apologizing and gaining forgiveness make you feel? 

71%
5 deviants said I feel cleansed of the burden of guilt knowing that I've repented my wrongdoings and received forgiveness from those I've wronged. Ultimately, I become happier.
14%
1 deviant said I didn't really want their forgiveness, I only apologized because it was the civil thing to do. Ultimately, nothing changed.
14%
1 deviant said I feel ten times worse because I have been completely horrible to this person and I don't deserve forgiveness or kindness, and yet they gave it to me anyway. Ultimately, I feel even more guilt-ridden than ever.

Thinking about changing my path in life

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 23, 2015, 3:52 PM
As you may already know, I am a college student with an undecided major. When one graduates high school, they are presented with essentially two options - more schooling (college) or entering the workforce. I chose more schooling purely to calm the anxiety. Going from school to more school seemed like the much easier transition than trying to find a place in the workforce.

The first year of college is like a buffer zone, especially for undecided majors. You have general education credits that you have to take, and you can try different sorts of classes to try to discover that major that's right for you. This is where the problem lies. I haven't found one. Well, I sort of have, but it's not worth thousands of dollars. 

I have known since sixth grade that what I wanted to do with my life was be a successful novelist. The story kinda starts in fifth grade. We had a lot of creative writing assignments that year, and I always dreaded them. Our teacher almost always read them aloud for the whole class, which made me very anxious. There was one time I even hid under my desk while she read mine. The class always loved my stories, though, and the teacher repeatedly told m that I had a talent for writing. My sixth grade teacher told me the same thing. I decided to try writing for fun as opposed to writing for class, and I actually enjoyed it. I really enjoyed it. Sixth grade was a really rough year for many reasons (one of the worst years of my life, I will not go into details), but the only good thing to come out of it was discovering that I am a writer. Creating and breathing life into characters is what I love to do. I decided I was gonna go for it, and I pretty much memorized the language arts textbook (which is why I can be a bit of a grammar nazi sometimes). I took the advanced track for language arts in high school, as well as every language arts elective.

Tell people you wanna be a writer and what's the first thing they say? "That's not practical, you'll never survive doing that." I've heard this from most of the adults in my life, including my own mother. That was my other reason for choosing more school. I thought maybe I'd discover a love for a more practical major and then just keep writing on the side. Despite Rooster Teeth Productions teaching me that it is possible for people to follow their dreams (wrote a whole essay about it on my Tumblr for RT's anniversary back on April 1st), I didn't think I could. So, I continued down the path of trying to find a practical career. That path has lead to a dead end. It really smacked me in the face recently that all I want to be is a writer.

I was talking about it last night with a friend of mine that I've made here. She's in roughly the same boat. She's a Creative Writing major, and we were discussing how it feels like we're essentially paying thousands of dollars to make friends. She told me that when she looks at how much she's going to have to pay back in loans, she has an existential crisis, questioning why humanity even exists for such loans to take place. I replied by telling her that when I think about paying back student loans, I have an anxiety attack. She's a great person and a talented writer/artist, and I'm super glad to have met her, even if college wasn't the right path for me. We agreed that we will still hang out even if I stop attending college.

Which brings me to my next point of discussion, and the whole point for this journal entry (not sure why it took me so long to get to this main point). I'm considering finding a job instead of continuing college. I have a meeting with the local temp agency tomorrow to try to get me into an assembly line job for over the summer. I've heard that assembly jobs pay good money and have good hours. If that goes well, I'm going to continue with that instead of college. Right now, I feel like the only benefit I'm getting from college is the experience of living away from home and getting new friends. A good experience, but is it worth thousands of dollars in student loans? No. Ideally, I'll nab a good job that I can support myself with while I work toward my goal of being a successful novelist.

Thank you for taking the time to read all this. It's a big life decision, and I thought I should keep you guys updated.

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Emily Magnuson
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
My real life friends: :iconashever: :icontvst3r: :iconbishywaifu: :iconravinae: :iconspicysweet-neko: :iconoswinoswald89: :iconpyrawolf: :iconorangeville12:

My best DA frieds: :iconrisenwarrior: :iconwinxfan28: :iconloveyraspberry: :iconfanaangel:

Some other awesome people: :iconmagixinyou: :iconmirage-05: :iconshweetcupcake: :iconnaturesrose: :iconrenaxakai:
:iconblackdivider0redo::iconblackdivider2plz::iconblackdivider3plz::iconblackdivider4plz::iconblackdivider5plz::iconblackdivider5plz::iconblackdivider5plz::iconblackdivider5plz::iconblackdivider5plz:

USA Language Level stamp4 by Faeth-designSpanish lang3 by Faeth-design
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:iconrisenwarrior:
RisenWarrior Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015
comments.deviantart.com/1/5266… And don't forget replies, please? :)
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:iconrisenwarrior:
RisenWarrior Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2015
Looky here: orig09.deviantart.net/e919/f/2…
Poor Serena is getting mocked. XD
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Oppa-Reji Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Do you have a profile written out for Harper from when she was your OC? I'm trying to decide what to do with her
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RisenWarrior Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2015
Remember this? risenwarrior.deviantart.com/ar…
You think I ought to make a second version in which Aira is off to the side laughing too? :D
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Magnamit Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav :)
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Slowtho Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav! :) (Smile) 
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air30002 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2015
Congrats on 10,000 comments! :D
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RisenWarrior Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015
You there yet? :)
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My-Identity-Crisis Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks so much for the fav! :D
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WinxFan28 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday.
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